Reflections from my journal November 26, 2014
Digging through my digital journal I ran across this entry about music and how it fills and comforts the cracks of our heart and soul. I found it interesting that I wrote this nearly 7 years ago.
Flash forward to January 2020, when our lives were about to change drastically and we found ourselves world wide in our homes and safe circles from an invisible virus destroying and weakening anything in its path.
Here we are on the eve of nearly 2 years in a pandemic. We’ve learned much. We’ve changed, hopefully for the better.
Working from home and switching up routine - home remodel inside and out, creative cooking ideas, embracing safe harbor, missing family terribly, respecting space, masks, and those who feel less strong mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically - was our space. Setting circles around our home and staking our safe harbor.
Reflecting on that time, in my own life, the last two years have taught me to go inside, reflect, dig deep, set boundaries, take care, listen, grow, and be creative. Also, to be confident and careful, wise and unashamed.
One thing that’s held my heart and hand in my walk in 2014 and presently is music. When I wrote the initial entry in 2014 my husband and I were in transition from moving from one place to the next overseas and then eventually back to our homeland.
Living overseas opened me up to be a writer. I had great writing opportunities, adventures, connections, and life changing cultural experiences. At some point along the way, I hit a wall. Lost all drive to be creative and was on autopilot.
Thankfully, music moved me and propelled me forward. It still does. Everyday.
These are thoughts from my journal entry that flowed and twirled around in my mind poetically and random.
Music Stirs - Journal entry 11/26/2014
I have been numb. As I sort through the waves of emotions and thoughts of the past, I find myself at a new stage of opening up. Part of me has felt like a dry cracked desert. A vast desert with no water in sight.
Does this make me weak? No, it makes me stronger. It makes me face something that needs tending to. My heart.
Music.
Oh how I’ve missed you. Music, you have always moved me. You move through my body like blood in the veins. When the lyrics and sound hit my ears they envelop me with understanding and fill in the cracks of hurt and pain with love, appreciation, joy, and life. They move me to dance unafraid and free.
I remember to hold fast to what I can do day to day. Routine. Follow through. Blinders on in order to get through to the next step. Push forward. Leaning on the strength of friends and family.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
Peace.
New Beginning. New white page. The ink is pure, fresh, and ready to flow. A new chapter.
Hope.
We all have our story and we own them. Sometimes they hurt. Sometimes they celebrate. Sometimes they break us and renew us. There will be a day when we have the courage to share our story to help another and let them know they are not alone.
Empathy and grace.
Our stories are what makes us unique and genuine. If we fake how we feel, we are only depriving ourselves of truth.
Truth.
I missed who I was for a time. I forgot how it was to feel. Music was dormant in my life. Which is so strange because as a kid and raising a family, I always had the radio, record player, CD, or cassette tape playing. So to have this absent for a time, I didn’t realize how much I need music.
Being able to acknowledge this missing art to my ears again is soothing and comforting.
Music is like oxygen.
The notes of music resonate and tap on my heart to my soul. They dance in my ear and wake me up from the slumber. They are teaching me to rediscover how to breathe, how to trust, how to be open to fun, how to not be afraid, and allow joy to return to its rightful place. In my heart.
This story consists of being in a state of hunker-down and protection. I lost a part of myself. My emotion, senses, and could only focus on just breathing to get me through to the next day.
I try to wrap myself around music throughout my day.
Tapping into my missed and adored emotion that moves my soul.
If you walk into my office you will hear music playing. If you are in our home, music is playing or if I am traveling in a car, truck, airplane, train, or in a taxi, I enjoy hearing the sounds of music - Country, hip hop, 80's flashback, Hindi, spa, groove, pop, or classical - it stirs my heart.
There are many artists out there that are so gifted. Their words, music, and rhythm heal souls. Thank you. Thank you for speaking to us and helping us through life. Keep writing music. Keep singing. Keep sharing your stories through poetry.
Music moves the soul.
When I read this I flashback to that time and space, I’m thankful I wrote it because it’s helped me get through the last nearly 2 years.
I’m not afraid to say, I’m totally consumed with Brandi Carlile. LOL! When my daughters come over, they hear what’s on my playlist as they walk in the door, “Oh mom’s listening to Brandi Carlile again!” It cracks me up. Yes, they are right! I think it’s because her newest album “These Silent Day’s” and the heart of her lyrics speaks to me in profound ways. It’s a brilliant album and if you haven’t heard it, I highly recommend it. So powerful, freeing, and honest. Her voice and vibrato are incredible. Absolutely beautiful.
Her song “Right on Time” is about a relationship. However, I interpret it in a different way. The relationship is with myself. The struggle of what was and what is. Being real and not compromising anymore. Wrestling through the pandemic and facing my own fears and anxiety. Appreciating the struggle and finding strength in breathing and peace.
Yes, it was “Right on Time” and I’m thankful for the process. It’s been hard, but well worth it. “I lose you in these silent days, it wasn’t right, but it was right on time.”
Thanks Brandi.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
Peace.
New Beginning. New white page. The ink is pure, fresh, and ready to flow. A new chapter.
Hope.
“Right on Time” - Brandi Carlile These Silent Days Album
Grateful for the artists in the world who have been in their bunkers creating beautiful music, lyrics, poetry, art, and writing to remind us all how we’ve walked through this time in history.
Take care and be well!
Bridged
LP and MQ - Creating with music, nature, color, and lots of love!
Photo: B. Atkins - Honolulu HI
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